what if it only gets lonelier?
I don't want to be on Instagram forever. There are days I check my screentime and wonder why I don't just chuck my phone into the ocean. I thought getting off of TikTok would help my social media addiction, but I just found myself running to other platforms I was never addicted to before to fill the empty space. I used to hate Instagram, I still do, but you'd never know it if you looked at how many hours I spent on it every day. I never used Reddit before, but it's something to scroll on, so now I do. I invent reasons to stay. For my followers (who probably wouldn't notice). For my hobbies (which could probably use some non-social-media-related attention). For human connection (...). But what if it only gets lonelier?
I keep asking myself this question, though I'm sure I know the answer. I know from my breaks from social media that the inner peace I feel is greater than that of any Instagram connection. I know these things, yet I still struggle to get off of social media.
The main reason I've wanted to get off of Instagram lately is because it's costing me a lot of money. A few of my hobbies are collecting-based, meaning it's up to me to find the items I want at the lowest possible price. That creates a lot of anxiety when there are new drops, items are priced competitively or based on perceived rarity, and people are boasting their bigger collections all the time. The thing is, even when I'm not actively looking, I still get approached with trades and sales from people on Instagram. It's always finding ways to reel me back in. I was wasting money buying from Instagram, but couldn't delete it. What if I can't find this deal anywhere else?
To try and combat shopping anxiety and cut down on impulsive spending, I deleted all the shopping apps I scroll mindlessly on off of my phone. I also deleted all of my cards from Apple Pay in the hopes that the inconvenience of having to manually input my card details will make me think twice about my purchases. I also am going to try moving Instagram to my laptop because it's a hassle to use there, which will hopefully make purchasing through it less attractive.
I'm not sure if this is the answer to my shopping problem. I'm not sure if it will get lonelier, or if I will realize I was lonelier online than I am in real life. But I want to try.